they say that time is a healer, and that my wounds are not the same

i haven't written cuz i've spent the past 2 weeks looking after my neck and back. they wigged out once again, out of the blue, or maybe not... i cleaned my shower and perhaps held myself in angles my neck and shoulder muscles were rather against. docteur bacle prescribed anti-inflammatory meds and pain killers for a week. 3 days of not moving, naps, reading, naps, online tv, naps, with food every now and then. and unbelievable pain. constant, and i would try and hide from it by holding my neck in a certain position, but then the pain would find me again, and start up. skipped work for a week too. got better-ish and i got the docteur to give me an ordinance for physiotherapy.

first session was nice, a massage and strange electrodes pulsing for 15 mins. went to work on tuesday the 18th and had a long but uneventful day. second session on wednesday and it hurt. a lot. she pulled and massaged and was in awe at how tightly strained my muscles were. she would poke and marvel that i wasn't in more pain. wednesday night there was more pain since she had prodded me a bit too much. she explained that my muscles were constantly contracted, even when i was asleep or relaxed. so they needed to be coaxed out of that state and into their normal relaxed state and that would take time. lots and lots of time. and she forbade me to do anything vigorous or lift heavy things or exert myself in any way.

thursday, after work where i helped 11 year olds describe me, not the best idea though i was happy with their english. "she has got a long nose" "she has got very large eyebrows" she has got small ears" she has got yellow teeth" they giggled and yelled sentences at me and i corrected and allowed them to insult as long as it was in english. they also thought it was hilarious that some of the boys were taller than me. mariana, the spanish assistant came over and helped me clean up and i lifted and did too much cuz that night there was a lot of pain. but it was a pain i recognized, that muscular owwwww after you've gone and worked out more than you should have. it's a pain i usually like, but this didn't count cuz i haven't worked out in 4 months. what i did was lift a few chairs out of the way of mariana vacuuming for me (such a sweet and kind friend) and i carried a really heavy vacuum cleaner down from my landlady's house.

friday (yesterday) was frightening. i hate hate hate hate hate writing statements of purpose or letters of intent. because i don't really have any intent or purpose other than to study and learn and maybe figure something out along the way. my life has no direction and that's how i like it. so why is that not good enough for graduate admissions folk? anyway, i sent out one of my applications after printing it at my landlady's place. i interrupted jean pierre's 80 year old cousin's birthday dinner, but they were kind enough to invite me to have dessert and champagne with them. gladys had made a yummy upside down apple tart with caramelized lemon rind. sooo good.

so after i mailed out the application i had time before my physio session so i went home to hang up laundry and ashwitha called! i talked to her in the garage and it was such a pleasant surprise. she was worried about my intent/ purpose or lack thereof. who knew a phone call could make me so happy? everyone needs to be stuck in a village without friends for a bit to really appreciate all the little things.

physio was better since i told her how much pain i was in and she said she wouldn't poke or pull. she massaged me and it was soooo nice but never for long enough, barely 10 minutes. then back to the electrodes and they pulsed for longer than usual and i realized that i am not so fond of lying shirtless on my stomach with my head over a hole. i used to think that i'd love a massage table cuz then i could lie on my stomach and breathe at the same time and what a great invention it is! not anymore. i kept shifting around trying to find a position in which my forehead wouldn't hurt so much from being pressed into the hard mattress. and that annoyed the electrodes. and they're scary cuz they pulse electricity into my muscles! but i felt no pain after for a good hour so it was worth it.

then as i was making chapathis, ben called! 2 phone calls in a day! and we chatted about what to do for the feb holidays while i had my hands in chapathi dough. then i rolled em out with a bottle of wine, which was a little tricky. they were not even remotely round in shape but that's fine with me. and i made a guacamole with 4 avocados, 2 tomatoes, half an onion and half a capsicum, 2 teeny red chilies, garlic and real coriander. yummm. and david and i watched the latest grey's and it was a good night. but for the pain.

saturday (today): woke up at 9am cuz my neck and back were angry. stayed in bed trying to find a comfy painless position for 2 hours, drifting in and out of sleep. then i got up and had oatmeal so i could take a pain killer. and i've been trying various sitting positions with a hot pack to get rid of the pain cuz i wanna head to beziers this evening to see other people.

and here i am. no verdict on whether i'll be going out or not. and i'm thinking of what to make for lunch.

craving: a way to remove my shoulder muscles, bang out the tension like they do with red meat on top chef and reinsert em, happy and relaxed and pain free, so i can finally go running and biking and do yoga, work out and dance in this south of france sunshine.
currently listening to: bad romance- lady gaga